9 Years and Change
Hey AOMers, It’s Kenon here… No, I’m not Seth or Melanie, but give me a chance. 🙂 I’m one of the faces you can see on over at the Meet the Team page, and one of the guest bloggers you’ll randomly see pop up.
This isn’t my first foray into the blogosphere (Is that term a thing still?). I had a short stint circa 2008 running a blog for my church’s college-age group, called TheRatCage. R.A.T. stood for Real. Authentic. and Transparent. Nice…
One of these RatCage posts, I made before I got married, on what marriage might symbolize. Basically, I boiled it down to this:
The man can be looked at as a metaphor for the Son and the woman a metaphor for the Spirit. God the Son is known to be the head of the church, just as the man is considered the head of the household (See Ephesians 5:22-33). The man is to love his wife, just as Christ loved the church, and even gave his life for the existance of the church.
The woman reflects the imagery of the Spirit. Here was the kicker for me… Jesus told the disciples that the Helper would come. For me it echoes language from all the way back in Genesis when God said that it was not good for a man to be alone, and that he should have a helper (Gen. 2:18). We see that the Spirit is called many things: Counselor, Helper, and Comforter to name a few. Is it too far of a stretch to apply these to the personality of a wife or mother?
Now, I’m not totally embarrassed by my past thoughts on the subject. It’s just that with the added gift of hindsight, I can appreciate being married (some 9 years and change) as so much more than trying to boil it down to this single, clean-looking metaphor. Yet, that’s where my marriage started.
Looking at my marriage from the viewpoint being analogous to the Christian concept of the Trinity
may have did pigeonhole my views on how I should set my expectations as well as interact with my wife. For someone as introverted and non-confrontational as me, this posed a two-fold problem… Mainly: “How can someone like me lead my wife as the so-called head of the household?” and “How can I match up to the perfection that is what the Trinity represents?”
Wow, that last one is a real buzzkill once you consciously admit that it can never be attained to the fullest extent… This is then, naturally, followed by “Well, why even put in that much effort if I can never make it?” This, my dear readers, is where I miserably failed as a husband. I lost the joy that is experienced when you pursue something you love and I thought that if she simply followed this relational model given to us from on high, then all would be good with the world. Gag me.
I failed to take into account that we both are human. Seems simple, right? This basic fact was overshadowed by church lingo, that I experienced, drilled into my head. “Psh. I’m not just any human. I’m a God-fearing Christian. This means that now I’m a ‘new creation’ and don’t have to worry about all the imperfections that everyone else experiences in their relationships. All I have to do is trust God.”
So young… So naïve… (Some might argue I still am. I guess time will tell. 🙂 )
Listen, I’ll be the first to admit that I still don’t know everything and that my marriage is not perfect. It’s just that now I’m willing to acknowledge my faults and make an effort to work on them. This is where I regained that sense of joy: acknowledging my own failures. Seems odd, huh?
Thankfully, Seth and Melanie provided something a little more useful than a futilely-worded phrase, like the Clearing Structure to help my wife and I improve our marriage. My failures can be turned into a tool to improve instead of a weapon to tear myself down.
So, here goes working on another facet of my life, but this time I travel alongside the rest of you Anatomy of Marriage podcast listeners. Let’s just see what happens in another 9 years and change…
If you are bored enough to read the ramblings of an inexperienced 20something version of myself, you can give it a full read here.
Note: If, for some odd reason, you post over there, no one will respond.