True Love: Duty and Desire by Lauren Miller
Today’s post comes from one of our listeners! Thank you to Lauren Miller for sharing the following piece with us! The original publication was to her blog Nothing Like I Expected on April 24, 2016. If you loved it, pop over to her blog and let her know. Enjoy!
Marriage is a far cry from the fairy tale depiction we have all seen in the movies. There is a reason that princess’ movies build up to the altar, that moment of “I do” and then abruptly ends. No one wants to watch what that altar bids us to do. It is a place, which calls us to die. God designed the altar as a place of sacrifice, and in a marriage we are to unite as one and die to one’s self. The thing is death is not pretty; the process of dying is even more grotesque. Why would one subject themselves’ to watch a movie about what is happening in homes across the globe on a daily basis?
One cannot deny that desire is powerful. Desire is what gets one to the place of “I do” but desire will not keep you in covenant. Desire fades as the brutal reality of life sinks in. When fear over takes and the fruit of your once unrelenting desire keeps you up all hours of the night nursing. Life and the natural occurrence of waves wears on you. You get to a place where remaining is simply happening out of a sense of duty. You are there physically but in every other way you are long gone. Despair begins to take over every aspect of you that once held desire. The duty that keeps you there will soon begin to strangle you and without the re-kindling of desire there is no way one could remain forever.
No girl has her fairy tale end with, “and the prince remained out of a strong sense of duty for his princess.” A woman longs to be the object of her man’s desire. A man’s dream doesn’t end with his bride staying because his provision for her and the kids is easier than fighting it out there on her own. A man craves true adoration. If they are wise they understand desire may not always be at the forefront but it also can’t be completely void in a relationship that will stand the test of time. Both desire and duty are vital to complete the circuit of love. True love is more than a feeling but it is also more than an obligation, it is a fire that must be sustained and maintained. You cannot expect the campfire of love to stay lit through the storms of life if you don’t tend to it on a regular basis.
Be one who chooses to do the hard things in life and marriage. Make sure you proactively fuel desire and when desire begins to wane be one who chooses to stay anyways until you find a way to re-kindle the flame. You will never regret the choice to remain.
***DISCLAIMER: I feel like with today’s society and how people LOVE to take things to the extreme or out of context that I should add: NO ONE should stay out of duty in an abusive relationship. If you are being abused by the one you love find help.***