This week’s episode where we talk with the amazing Hillary McBride about personal change, knowing yourself, honoring your own story, and so much more, has inspired me to look, think, and feel more complexly about my own life. It has challenged me to re-evaluate the beliefs that I had once understood to be limiting barriers, and to reshape them in my mind, reorganize their components in my heart, and then turn them into bridges, passageways, and tunnels into deeper self-awareness. This episode has truly helped me to see and value and the beauty of my own evolution.
Even this morning I decided that I would use the wisdom that Hillary shared to better communicate with Seth, unfortunately I used that wisdom after I had made a mess of things.
I woke up this morning and immediately rattled off a list of things that Seth “should” have done better. The house needs to cool down, so why hadn’t Seth opened all of the windows? He was getting ready for work but was leaving a mess for me to clean up, why didn’t he think about my needs? On and on I went with my “you should have known better” list, and Seth took it all, being very patient and loving with me, while I was being the very definition of a nag.
He got in his car, headed off to work, and I was left at home…thinking.
I thought to myself, “did I just try to force Seth into being a Fruit Smoothie? Is this REALLY how I want to behave with Seth? How would I feel if Seth had done this to me?! What would it take for me to call him up and apologize for my less than ideal behavior?”
I did call him, and all it took was intention.
It is only after we take a hard look at our behaviors and re-evaluate how they serve, or don’t serve our relationships, that we can begin to see a path for growth. But growth is not easy, growth is not painless. I remember as a kid having terrible growing pain in my legs, and I remember my mom lovingly reassuring me that it was actually a good thing, it meant that I was growing.
Calling Seth was a growing pain, it required me to be uncomfortable, to feel weird and sort of dumb, but it was good.
This kind of growth can feel scary, and while that sounds overly dramatic it is completely true. How many times have you felt the twinge of, “I should apologize”, or “I shouldn’t say this”, or, “ I should hug her right now” but then you DON’T act on that whisper of growth and emotional intelligence? And why don’t we act on it? Because it feels scary! It feels like we are losing ourselves, like we are giving something up to admit our own faults and then tell our partner either with our words or with our actions.
Once you are open to living in a deeper and more fulfilling way, that honors the complexity of your relationships, you can then begin the process of walking out your evolution, and that is where the real beauty of transformation begins to be seen. Don’t be afraid to find and follow the good-natured and more loving version of yourself, don’t be like me and mask your emotional laziness with nagging and blaming and wishing that you had behaved differently, while withholding apologies.
Grow, transform, and delight in the beauty of your own (sometimes uncomfortable) evolution.