Today, we would like to introduce our newest Anatomy of Marriage fan girl – turned Team Member, Lauren Miller! She had shared her blog with us several months ago, and the more we read from her, the more we were convinced we NEEDED her on our team. Here are her thoughts on the episode Rabbi Manis Friedman: The Joy of Intimacy.
While listening to Rabbi Friedman’s episode on the podcast my perspective on marriage and life, in general, was completely turned upside down.
When my friend told me it was a “mind-blowing” episode I kind of shrugged her off but as I began to listen I knew she was on the money. Thought provoking conversations are my jam and this one I have gone back to multiple times. Not even kidding. At the five-minute mark, Rabbi Friedman makes a strong claim that love and marriage don’t go together like a horse and carriage as the popular sitcom from the 90s told us. That alone shakes up everything we are taught to believe in today’s society. He follows that head spinner up with the thought that we have created an idol out of love ten minutes in.
I am sorry, WHAT?! Love was the good thing, the remaining thing, all you need is love.
When he went on to say that, “God is love” is a falsehood but indeed “Love is God” it all started to come together for me.
Love cannot contain God but God CAN and DOES contain love. In turn you, it is impossible to fit God in the container of love but all of the love can very much fit in the container of God. Looking at it that way it seems so simple but that leads me to question all of the other ways I have looked at things from the wrong perspective.
Statements of, “I love him for…” or “I love … about her” has nothing to do with loving the person for simply being but instead for what it is they bring to you. Which lead me to wonder if that is loving at all?
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The idol of love creates a standard that a marriage is not able to achieve.
One person will never be able to satisfy a “love” fantasy that is riddled with misconceptions. If loving someone means they *blank* what happens when they no longer fulfill that caveat? When the idol of love is your foundation, divorce seems logical. But when you choose to be married for the sake of covenant and to love your spouse for who they are and not what they bring you can build a lasting union.
Do not get married for the sake of love but because you desire what marriage has to offer.
If you are married and have been caught in the cycle of marriage being about love challenge yourself to look at it differently. Remember that there is more to marriage than the euphoric loving feeling. Marriage is about a true lasting connection that sticks around on our bad days (weeks/months/years) and creating a legacy together. True intimacy only comes through the refining fire of trials and time and if you check out prematurely because you aren’t feeling it you will miss out on so much richness.