Why We Love What We Hate - Seth Studley | ANATOMY OF MARRIAGE
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Why We Love What We Hate – Seth Studley

Our fearless leader, Seth Studley posted the following on our Facebook Page a few weeks ago. We’re sharing here, in case you missed it. Be sure to pop over to Facebook and like and follow our page!

Sometimes the fight is what we want. Sometimes it’s the food. Other times it’s ourselves.

We love to hate certain things because it keeps our eyes and energy off of what really needs to change. We create static and get caught in the static to take our minds off the bigger picture because sometimes that picture is too large, too daunting, too painful. So we create smoke screens.

As a family therapist and looking at families through a systems orientation (see cybernetics), I look for signals and smokescreens. Sometimes what we think the problem is, may be an affront to what we are unknowingly hiding. The thing we may be avoiding may be exactly what we need to confront in order to change the system and free us from years of conflict.

At times, we get used to the conflict and begin to rely on it. The conflict or issue may come across in phrases like “she’s just that way”, or “he needs a drink to calm down everyday”. This is when our issues become our norm and we learn to live with it. It can be akin to having a large splinter in your foot and accepting it because you know that if you go to the doctor to fix it, she will also see that you are sick and needing to address your daily abuse of alcohol……or something similar….you get the point.

So I ask, what in your life or relationships actually need to be addressed? What and how have you been throwing up smokescreens to avoid the work of changing?

My screens? Lack of self awareness, drinking too much sometimes, chasing shiny things- avoiding arguments.
List your in the comments below.
-Seth

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